Honesty

I recently read a post from a friend on her blog about 10 honest things about herself.  I decided to do the same.  Just 10 random, truthful things about myself.  :)

1. Writing things out always makes me feel so much better about the thing I can't say.  Sometimes it might be too personal, but it really does make me feel better.  I used to write myspace blogs all the time about the feelings and such.  I kept them so only my really close friends could read them and it was a good outlet for me to just write.

2. I will sing anywhere, anytime, but never in the shower.  XD

3. I believe that everything happens for a reason.  You might not understand the reasons why in short term, but in the long run, they usually lead to bigger and better things.

4. I also believe that if it's meant to be it will happen.  You might have to wait awhile, you might even get hurt, but I totally believe that it will all work out in the end.  Of course, you might have to take charge and make it happen, but sometimes that's what it takes to make it reality.

5. I've never had a brother, but I feel as if my Lodi guy friends are like my brothers.  I can make fun of them, laugh with them, and pretty much do nothing and still be entertained.  I talk about them a lot, and some people might mistake my talking about them so much as a crush, but the reality is, I feel like they are part of my family.  I don't know what I would do without them.  :)

6. I only have a few really close girl friends.  But I would do anything for them.  I hate being so spread out from all of them, but I try to keep in contact as much as possible.  The future holds so much for all of us.  Life is changing for us at rapid speed, and I can't wait to see what we will be like in 10 years.  We can go without ages seeing each other, but the minute we get together, it's like time hasn't passed.  Seeing us mature and live life is exciting.  I hope to have them in my life always.

7. Lyrics make or break a song for me.  I pay attention to them a lot.  I think it's because there are just some that I can instantly relate to because I know the feeling.  My current favorite songs tend to change with the feelings that I'm feeling and the lyrics that relate to them.


8. I constantly wonder about the future.  But at the same time, when someone asks where I see myself in 10 years, I have no clue what to say.

9. I never felt as intellectual as many of my family and friends.  All of our family friends and my close friends all went to school for things like science and engineering with top honors in school.  I was more the girl who sucked at math but loved to be creative or learning foreign languages.  Growing up like that I felt pressured by myself, even though my parents knew I wasn't going to be the next doctor.  XD  They didn't expect me to, but still, I felt like I wasn't as smart as my friends or family and disappointing the people who would buzz about me for going to a community college.  Even though I was happy with my choice, I still felt like I was disappointing people.  Thankfully I'm where I want to be now, and it might not lead me to finding a cure for cancer, or creating the latest invention to change mankind, but I am happy doing something that I know I will always be in love with.

10. I never really used to think of myself as pretty.  I grew up with crazy blown up hair, glasses, and bad acne.  Now, 8 years later, I have grown to love my full hair, have a cute pair of glasses, and have been getting my skin under much better control.  Low self-esteem was my enemy back when I was in grade school, but in the past 3 years, I have grown to appreciate and love the way I am.  :)

Finding Your Happiness

Finding something that you love to do is always incredibly rewarding.  It is something that you can turn to no matter what kind of mood you're in and make you feel happy.  For me, I have a lot of things that make my life.  Photography obviously is the thing I turn to.  I love seeing the happiness that my photographs can give people.  A lot of people hate getting their picture taken.  But if I can give them photographs that they love, it makes me feel accomplished and like I have done my job.  The satisfaction that comes with giving my gift to others to enjoy is simply amazing.

I have known Morgan for almost 7 years now.  He started just a few months before me at Sacramento's kendo dojo, so we were all kind of new together.  We've been friends ever since.  He is a self-taught guitar player and has been playing for about 4 years now.  Morgan's recorded some things already, but is constantly working on new songs.  His style is simply guitar (no singing) with a lot of fancy fret work.  He's currently working on a youtube channel, but for now here's a link to a performance from 3 years ago.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7h24MYm_pM

I went to visit this past weekend, and I asked if I could take some photos.  My style of portraits is to take ones of people doing the things they love to do.  I took the more natural approach since it's more his style, but the lighting was kind of strange, so I definitely want to try more some other time when I have better lighting.  I also didn't do too many pictures with his face in it, because most people don't like having pictures of themselves on a wall.  XD  I am saving posting my favorite pictures till later.  I want them to have impact when he sees them for the first time in person.  I promise I'll post them up here later if people are interested.  Maybe someday when he makes CD's I will be able to do his album art.  :)  I hope you enjoy these photos and look for Morgan in the future.  :D

Rude, Lewd, Nude

On Saturday I met the most amazing models I have worked with so far.  It was wonderful to work with people in the actual business and that were so friendly.  I met them through a friend when we went down to LA, and they were kind enough to let us shoot them for free.  :)  These two people are amazingly comfortable in their skin, and a true inspiration to me.  Thanks to Kris and Kara.  You two are a great first experience.  :D

http://karaneko.tumblr.com/

http://kriskidd.tumblr.com/

I love these guys.  ♥♥

^ our catchphrase, courtesy of Bon Qui Qui.  =P

Message From My Heart

(My friends and I took this picture one summer night.  We were lucky to have the lights randomly on in the bright, empty, white room.)  I sent this blog to Le Love.  Let's see what happens.  











We see it in movies, read it in books, hear about it in songs....love means different things to different people.  Sometimes I feel like I expect too much.  Everyone wants that fairytale ending and I can kind of blame that on growing up with things like Disney movies.  XD  I will be the first to admit that.  I hear it so many times in music.  Everyone can relate to songs that talk about unrequited love and proclaiming your love for someone.  Real life doesn't seem to be as romantic, but it takes a lot of courage for someone to say, "I care about you more than just a friend.  I want to be there for you no matter what."  Perhaps if I was to say something totally cliche and sweet, it would be, "I want to be the one who makes you smile."


It's rare that a movie teaches you a real fact about love, but it seems that Asians know how to do it well.  One of my all time favorite movies is a Japanese movie called, "Tada Kimi wo Aishiteru" (just loving you/heavenly forest)  and it teaches you the lesson to not wait to tell someone how you feel and expect the person to be there forever.  Take the chance and say what you need to say to get your feelings across.  Because wondering for the rest of your life is more agonizing than the brief rejection (if you're not so lucky to have the person reciprocate your feelings).  I've learned a lot in the past 5 years.  Life has been crazy and unpredictable.  Yet, as I am telling you to go for it, I myself can't get myself to say anything.  Why?  It's because I'm so worried about how it could change everything.  For bad or for good.  And also because I'm concerned that he just wouldn't care.  Like if I said anything, it wouldn't even phase him.  Though I suppose that would be better than forever ignoring me.  Then I would just have to pick myself up and brush it off.  aaah.  I go through these stages where I want to, and other times where I don't.  It's probably a little irritating to some.  Like "why have you been bitching about this for ages when you should just say it and get it over with!!!!!"  I can't explain.  This guy just always seems so stoic about girls.  I can never tell if he's ever been interested in a girl.  And I worry that if I tell him I just won't get any reaction from him.  I know that everyone says to just do it!  Take the chance and run with it.  Writing  what I should do is always so much easier than actually doing it.  I'm scared to take a chance, but I'm even more scared about never knowing how he felt over the course of these years.

I've been wrestling with this idea for a few years now.  It comes and goes, and I've been close to admitting it.  Am I simply a fool for waiting this long?  The more I wrestle with the idea, the more time I waste.  Now we live 300 miles away, both at school.  Everyone has ideas about long distance.  There are people it works for and people who say stay away.  I suppose it is up to me.  But I thought that writing about it one last time would really set my mind to doing it.  Waiting for love sometimes works.  But I think for my own happiness, I need to do this.  And if I get shot down, well, it's just something that will have to happen.